Shan Boodram on sexual pleasure to breastfeeding and beyond

Breasts might be the most evolving body part throughout a woman’s life. Shan Boodram, sexologist and mother of two, discusses the complex functions of breasts, from erotic pleasure to breastfeeding babies, and how these can coexist. Hear more from Shan on her podcast, Lovers and Friends with Shan Boodram. Furthermore, we dive deep into the cosmos in our Astrological Forecast for May.

On how the functions of breasts can coexist
“When first developing breasts, most women think about them in the context of size and how they will please others or if they are pleasing to look at – it’s about aesthetics. Then, if they choose to breastfeed, those ideas suddenly fade away and they realize that all along, the purpose was to nourish a life. No matter the size and shape of your breasts growing up, this realization can create a much deeper appreciation of your breasts. Not only does the function of breasts change, but feelings towards your breasts also change throughout different phases of life.”

On an ever-changing relationship
“Relationships with breasts ebb and flow and are multidimensional. My experiences with my two children were very different. I originally had B-cup breasts, which I never had any issues with. Once pregnant, they increased in size and suddenly became something more sexual and erotic. I enjoyed this change and got a lot of pleasure out of it. I produced a lot of milk with my first baby, which deepened my relationship and bond with my breasts. But the experience of producing milk was painful. As my breasts grew and underwent hormonal changes, they became quite tender, so even when I wasn’t breastfeeding or pregnant, they were sore, uncomfortable or sensitive to touch.”

On being curious
“I want to encourage people to remain curious and open about how they can enjoy their breasts. Everyone’s experience is unique. I know mothers who are unable to breastfeed, and their disappointment over that reality disconnects them from their breasts. There are also mothers who can breastfeed but have a hard time seeing their breasts as anything other than their baby’s. Some mothers also experience a heightened appreciation for their breasts, which can deepen feelings of femininity. In my experience as someone with high sensitivity who produces a lot of milk, I have mixed feelings. I enjoy the aesthetic aspect of my breasts, but since they are so sensitive and painful, they are not a part of my sex life. If my partner even gets near them, I start to feel a bit panicked. So, although they are aesthetically pleasing, that is as far as I want to go with them.”

On the visibility of breastfeeding
“I feel proud to feed in public because it’s something beautiful that my body does. A lot of that empowerment comes from seeing mothers who post breastfeeding pictures online. Motherhood is much more integrated into everyday life right now, but there should be more reverence around the process of breastfeeding. You’re the mom, you’re the one who is feeding, you’re the one who is sharing your body with another. Maybe it might feel awkward at first, but mothers should be able to feed in an accessible way. I hope this will become the new mindset.”

On feeding or pumping in public
“Progress starts by taking one small step outside your comfort zone. You don’t have to go from being uncomfortable about feeding in public to openly feeding your baby in the middle of a mall. Try using a discretion cloth or small blanket to feed and see how it feels. Is it awkward or does it feel more natural than you expected? Whatever the next accessible step is for you, try to focus on that. Breastfeeding is already a demanding and important job. The additional burden on mothers to be private or cautious just for the sake of other people’s comfort is a lot to ask.”

On improving the relationship with your breasts
“All relationships require vulnerability, open-mindedness, and gratitude. My favorite activity for insecurities is dividing a piece of paper into three sections. In the top section, write “things that I love.” In the middle section, write “things that really bother me.” In the last section, write “things I can live with.” Begin the first section with gratitude and write down what you love about your breasts. Then, in the middle section, write down what bothers you; for example, if they are painful or don’t produce enough milk. In the last section, write what you can live with; for example, having hair around your nipples or having one breast that is bigger than the other. It’s important to get specific with your observations. The goal is to focus on the middle section and see if you can move anything up or down. This approach makes self-love more tangible. Going from liking to loving something or hating to appreciating something is a big change that requires smaller steps in between.”

On what you should know about your breasts
“I don’t think many people realize how much there is to learn about breasts. For instance, there are people whose jobs are devoted to them, like lactation experts and OB-GYNs. We often think of breasts as an accessory rather than the main event, but there are people who understand that they deserve main character energy. If you have questions, there are people out there with answers. Don’t hesitate to ask for help from the right individuals. There are probably two times in life when we focus on breasts: in breastfeeding and in breast cancer awareness. Besides that, there is little attention given to them. If this doesn’t fit your narrative, find someone who gives breasts the main character energy they deserve.”