Nurturing the Mother with Carson Meyer: Rituals for the Fourth Trimester

Carson Meyer is a doula, wellness advocate, and author of Growing Together, a book focused on nurturing mothers as much as their babies during the postpartum period. With nearly a decade of experience guiding families through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum, she brings a deep understanding of the importance of self-care, rituals, and holistic well-being during the first 100 days after birth.

The concept of ‘matrescence’ – the transformation into motherhood – is a powerful one. How can new mothers embrace this change with self-compassion? 

‘Matrescence covers pregnancy, postpartum, birth and motherhood—a whole new identity shift. The preparation for matrescence is not just in what you buy, eat or your birth choices, but so much inner deep work. With birth, there’s a death of the old self. It’s natural for grief to arise as you’re giving birth to a baby and a new version of yourself. There are some activities to help integrate and normalize that change and find self-compassion through it. One of my favorites is letter writing. Writing a letter to your baby, to save and share for later. Or letters that aren’t actually intended to be shared with your baby, but an opportunity to be honest and share your vulnerability. To share the full spectrum of who you are, the joy and the challenges. It helps to normalize that parents aren’t perfect and don’t always have it all together. One of my favorite letters to write is to your postpartum self: Writing to the mother on the other side with the compassion, love and grace that you would offer a friend.’

You emphasize nurturing the mother as much as the baby. Why do you believe this is such an essential part of the postpartum experience?

‘So many people think the most valuable support is a night nurse or a nanny or some of these care providers whose role is to care for the baby. But having support that acknowledges the value of mothering the mother, taking care of all the mom’s needs so she can actually be present in her role is equally as important. I believe that there’s very little we need to learn about how to parent. You’ll figure out the diapers. When you’re cared for and nourished, it just happens innately.’

The first 100 days postpartum are a significant period of transition. What are some key rituals or wellness practices that you’ve found most helpful for mothers as they adjust to this new chapter?

‘There are four pillars of postpartum wellness: support, touch, nourishment and rest. Touch is such a forgotten, valuable aspect. A postpartum massage, bodywork and other ways of incorporating touch are not a luxury, but a necessity for the nervous system. Mothers are giving so much touch and nurturing that receiving it is really powerful. It has evidence-based benefits for our bodies, our health and stress levels.’

With your extensive experience as a doula, how has working closely with mothers shaped your perspective on postpartum care?

‘I’m so grateful I had so many years to witness and be a part of postpartum care with other moms before walking into it myself. As a result, I really prioritized that time. We kept visitors away until we were ready to open up our home, which was something I learned from my clients. To a certain extent, it’s still considered taboo for many. But I was comfortable with it because I got that experience.’

How can small daily practices like breathwork, nourishing foods, and intentional rest support a mother’s emotional and physical recovery?

‘Food is the most surefire way to set yourself up for success. It’s not always easy, especially when you’re prioritizing feeding your new baby, but the payoff is huge. Balancing your blood sugar is crucial for supporting your hormones and mood stabilization. Sleep is a huge point of anxiety for so many new moms. Knowing how important sleep is for our health and that you’re not getting nearly enough, can create this vicious cycle of stress. This is why I love meditation. It can seem like a daunting concept, but it’s really just about taking some deep breaths, slowing down your mind and mindful resting. When you’re feeding, instead of scrolling on your phone, just put it down for two minutes and sync up your breath with your baby’s. It doesn’t have to be time-consuming, it’s just about intention. In a twenty-minute period, transcendental meditation can bring you into a state that equals a larger chunk of deep sleep. I hope that brings a sense of peace for some moms who are just not getting it in the night.’

The concept of rest is often undervalued in modern culture. How can families create an environment that truly supports a mother’s recovery and replenishment in those early weeks?

‘Having a postpartum doula is a great way of doing this. Somebody to help mother the mother instead of just meeting baby’s needs. For me, a really valuable part of getting more rest was co-sleeping. Many parents are afraid of it, having been told it’s dangerous, taboo, or that it will create bad habits. But it creates a lot more stress in those early days, weeks, even years sometimes, to attempt to separate mom and baby through the night. Becoming confident in safe co-sleeping created so much rest, relief, comfort and peace. I felt safe knowing she was there with me.’

For mothers preparing to enter the postpartum period, what is one piece of advice you find yourself offering most often?

‘Find a community of other women and mothers who you admire and who you feel supported by. I host circles online for pregnancy and postpartum and it’s beautiful to see women who maybe don’t have a lot of friends and family in their life choosing to mother this way. They find support from other mothers and that’s where a lot of our strength can come from. It can be in person, with friends who you can call in the middle of the night to vent to and they will cheer you on. Or, if you’re missing that in your life, think about how can you seek it out through community, be it virtual or even in-person groups and classes. That kind of support is so key for every season of life.’

Artwork by Joséphine Klerks