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10 tips to reconnect to your sexuality after birth

Reconnecting to your sexuality after having a baby can be challenging. We reached out for advice to Sally Mustang, founder of sexisart.com, who lives in rural Australia with her partner Mitch and son Azure. Sally discusses her sex life with partner Mitch openly on Instagram and encourages both men and women to establish an intimate connection to themselves and each other. We share her tips for erotic and sensual empowerment here.

1. Communicate your needs
Once my partner Mitch and I shared online about a sexual experience, the response was so overwhelming we decided that this was something we wanted to do, share a sex positive message and more female take on sexuality and intimacy. And by sharing you give others permission to also share. It helps a lot to just talk about sex and communicate. Especially during the period after birth, be accepting and patient with yourself and communicate your needs with your partner.

2. See sex as life force energy
Sex is at the very core of our creation. Sexual energy is the energy that moves us. The energy that gets us up in the middle of the night to jot down that poem or idea. It gets us moving. It’s life force, literally. It’s also freedom. When I’m making love I have the same creative flow, feeling and freedom that comes to me in the art studio. In my opinion sex is most definitely an expression of art and it helps to look at it like that, and to sometimes – for example during the first weeks after birth – use that energy in other ways, like dancing or writing.

3. Embrace your sensuality in all its humanness and messiness
After birth there is definitely a healing period of six to eight weeks. But you can begin connecting to your body even before then. To reconnect to your sexuality after giving birth, I would suggest creating a strong relationship with your sensuality first, because that’s where we really come home to our desires and ourselves as women. Sensuality is all about slowing down. It is enjoying the pleasures of life, listening to the languages of the world, touching, tasting, smelling, listening and seeing.

4. Establish a practice for your sexual liberation journey
Some rituals and practices that have been truly transformational for me since starting my sexual liberation journey: sensual dance, regular feedback and conversations about sex, yoni mapping therapy, keeping a pleasure diary, date and exploration nights, love making outside, being naked in nature around other people in a non-sexual environment, exploring Tantra, very slow sex with lots of eye contact, exploring self-love crystals, establishing boundaries, learning about my anatomy (having an actual visual of my womb and yoni), sensuality as a daily practice and finally, body confidence work.

5. Massage yourself
Self-massage, especially if there was any tearing during birth, is a really good way to move trauma in the yoni. Castor oil works best after birth and also helps stop scarring. I had a yoni mapping session six weeks after birth which moved lots of energy that was stored in my womb from birth.

6. Share your fantasies
Sharing fantasies with someone you feel safe with and explore them is a super creative and fun way to go into unfamiliar territory with someone. Sometimes an easy and sexy way to do this is by writing your fantasies to each other.

7. Get close(r) to nature
The more connected we are to the earth, the more connected we are to our true selves. It’s mother energy. It’s the goddess. I would suggest to go into nature as much as you can and go for long walks or just sit down. You will feel the earth’s energy.

8. Own your body
We are constantly shown images of others and it’s almost impossible not to compare yourself. The truth is, someone that owns their body is sexy. Perfect doesn’t exist. The more in touch we are with our sensuality and our body, the more you create a feeling of being sexy. Dance, yoga, creating, presence, breath work, swimming, sunshine, how we adorn ourselves – clothes, hair. All of that can help us to feel sexy.

9. Consider an intimacy course
Many sex topics can often be overlooked, sometimes misunderstood and occasionally awkward to discuss in even the most loving relationships. Creating new belief systems around sex and getting to know the deeper parts of your body and self can be very helpful to create a more pleasurable, sensual, sexual relationship within yourself. My online course Sex of equality covers all those topics and includes a range of video content, audio files, reading material and spiritual practices. 

10. Question taboos
Why is it that sex becomes taboo when the baby is in the bedroom when sex is the reason the baby is here in the first place? I think sex is an expression of love and that babies are more receptive to energy rather than what we are doing. If the baby is asleep and you’re making love, if anything I feel the baby will feel the warmth of that energy in a positive way. Having parents that are intimate and in love is a very healthy example of union for them.

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