The Balance It Takes
Dear me,
It’s more in your nature to just buckle down and keep running, but let’s take this moment to reflect. I know it’s complicated and I know you are doing your best. I know that the most beautiful role you hold in this life is being a mom to these two amazing girls but that it can also be challenging. I know you struggle with the joy of having a career you find so much meaning in and being there for them whenever they need you. Mom guilt is here and it’s painful. I know. But I’m here, and let’s use this space to take it all out on paper and let it go.
You love your job and you need your job. You are showing your daughters that it is allowed and fine to pursue professional ambitions and be a mother at the same time. You are leading by example. I know how much you loved having your mom full time at home and just because you enjoyed those moments of closeness and reliability, does not mean that you are failing now for your own daughters. You are offering them a new perspective without pressure and showing them that the freedom of choice is always theirs. Whether or not they choose to be moms one day and in which way they want to do it is something they should feel empowered to decide based on their inner desires and freedoms. There is no one right way and that is what you are modeling for them.
And just because you have competing desires, does not mean that balance is unachievable. This just has to be your way of finding that connection. Your dream of buying a farmhouse to live in and having a career in the city are not mutually exclusive. Follow that dream that burns within and keep on preparing that space, renovating that old home in nature, close to your family. Remember how beautiful it was to grow up with your parents and brother in the countryside? This is the reality you are building and working toward for your children. You are not just moving them closer to your family, but surrounding them with flowers, animals, nature… and will teach them how to grow vegetables from the soil we stand on and cook them. You’ll take walks outside and allow seasons to flow by, appreciating that the girls can now be always supported by not just mom or dad, but also grandma and grandpa, aunt and uncle. Balance is possible–you are making it possible, in your own way, one step at a time.
Be patient with yourself. Be kind. You are doing the best you can.
Love,
Kristy Smit